FML.

I haven't been blogging for fear of ranting about the same things over and over again.
Lo and behold, here I am, about to rant about the constant thing in my life that never changes.

I told myself I'd give it until the end of 2009. Nothing.

Earlier, I was thinking, maybe something's up for tomorrow. But, then again, everything is just so predictable. And I'm getting tired of predictable. Surprise me. Even once in a while.

I wanted to get flowers on Valentine's day. It's been a long time since I last received flowers. 4 years to be exact tomorrow. A colleague received flowers, and she was pretty freaked out about it. I got pretty freaked out when I used to receive stuff from people I wasn't really attracted to (I mean, come on, you'd have to agree-- if you didn't like the person, you'd freak. If you did like the person, you'd get kilig.). I told her to savour the moment while all attention rains down on her. I should've brought home her bouquet of red roses instead.



I was planning on watching a really cheezy movie. To freak the crap out of him. My revenge for keeping me waiting for nothing for today. Anybody seen Valentine's Day? Or maybe just watch Dear John? From the title and movie poster it looked really cheezy. As in maximum cringe factor.

Until when am I going to wait? Until when am I going to settle with predictable?

REALLY.

FML.

Because Im soooo BORED!

Your Birthdate: August 31

You don't love lightly. For you, love is always a serious undertaking. However, you are able to love many types of people. You can bring out the best in almost anyone. Love surprises you often. You never know when or where you'll find it next. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 2 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1 You are most compatible with people born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, and 31st of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

fingers crossed.

i haven't blogged... IN A LONG TIME.

i joined the blogging community ages ago to serve as an outlet where i can ran't without limits, instead of bashing people to their face (literally). ha!

i'm keeping my fingers crossed for next week.

i'm taking baby steps to make my life better ( i think!)... need to pull in the moolah
to keep myself sane (that is, more funds for retail therapy). it's really true, no matter how shallow you perceive it. come on, Money can buy happiness (if only temporarily). get a haircut, have your hair colored, get a mani-pedi, a full body massage (1.5 hours for me), get that cute top just because.. eat unlimited Shakey's special pizzas... get a nice watch, shoes you wish you could walk in forever. Money is the answer. or not.

But money is only good if you share it...especially with the people you love. Here's what I'd give to the important people in my life:
1. My dad- stocks, stocks, stocks. And an X5. and a Rolex...and a NEW HOUSE.
2. My mom - a wardrobe overhaul and make-over, her own driver and her own Volvo and corrective surgery (to fix her scoliosis). and a Rolex (to match with my dad's watch)
3. My sister- a wardrobe overhaul and make-over, SHOES and bags. and a Philip Stein watch (help with medschool stress).
4. My brother- I would send him to school again and probably have his brain re-formatted.

5. John - ohhh.. I love him because we have similar tastes in life.
nice spiffy shoes for work
a new celfone
a Rolex
an updated Philippines Restaurant Guide
a deep tissue massage
SCUBA training. so i can finally have a dive buddy
Palawan escapade

6. My adopted siblings
Dylan - her own yaya, dog food / eggnog vendo
- prophylaxis c/o Animal House every week
- her own room with her own bed and aircon
Hope- her own yaya to do nothing but brush her hair everyday
- prophylaxis c/o Animal House every week
- Anal Sac draining every 2 weeks
- her own room with her own bed and aircon
- eggnog vendo
Chubby
- her own house to bring down
- dog food vendo
Gretta
- her own house
-dog food vendo
- her own yaya to do nothing but make her pansin 24/7
Miu Miu
- his own cat house
- unlimited supply of plastic flowers to play with (yeah, my cat's gay like that)
- his own bathroom with auto-disposal and auto-replacement of kitty litter
- cat food vendo

If I'd have enough money to give these to the people I love, I could die happy.

HA!

out of focus.

i think im probably out of it.

im always stuck waiting for things to happen. and what really sucks is that i can't seem to change the damn pattern. i know that i dont want waiting. who the hell wants to wait anyway? but they say that patience is a virtue. and i really think if i wait long enough it'll come around. but deep down inside there's this gut feeling that i might not make it. we might not make it.

is it demanding to see more than the given? as in the given given given GIVEN time (i.e. weekends) ? why should it be so full of effort when it's supposed to be effortless? should you equate being with someone to what it will cost you financially? or because it's just not practical? or am i too jaded, stuck in highschool? but don't you want to get that HIGHSCHOOL HIGH once in a while?

and you get blamed for being the bitch. is it all accepting the other and dropping everything such as your beliefs and principles no matter how silly they may seem?

fuck this. i need a holiday.

fight or flight

fight or flight.

The fight-or-flight response, also called the acute stress response, was first described by Walter Cannon in 1929. His theory states that animals react to threats with a general discharge of the sympathetic nervous system, priming the animal for fighting or fleeing. This response was later recognized as the first stage of a general adaptation syndrome that regulates stress responses among vertebrates and other organisms. -- Wikipedia

Oh I've been in this situation one too many times.

Don't we all have the right to whine, complain or in certain extreme cases, shove it up to the receiving end's face when we are not content, or when that crucial need is lacking or unfulfilled?

I cannot, for the love of God, decipher why everytime that fight response is activated, it is interpreted as a means of incessant nagging. Is it because of the way the concern is delivered? Or maybe because the receiving end simply does not give a shit about my concerns, and is too smothered in the filth of it's sloth.

Maybe it's about time I seriously RECONSIDER the option for flight.

Please don't tell me- I told you so! ... I already know.

fatty fatty

my favorite jeans consists of this pair i bought for a very very el cheapo price. I like it coz it fits me perfectly and gives the illusion that i have an ass. bwaha!

nowadays, i can barely button it. the price you have to pay for sitting your ass off for hours refusing to get up only for weewee trips or water refills.

someone's getting FAT!

remembering 9/11

i was at deutsche's wake during that time when people started talking about text messages saying that an airplane crashed into one of the towers of the World Trade Center. yeah right.
but by the time i got home, everyone was already glued to CNN watching as a myriad of horrendous events unfolded.

fast forward to May 2006.

I am walking along Wall Street in New York's financial district, trying to locate the BULL when my uncle asks me what else I want to do and I tell him-- I want to go to GROUND ZERO!
With a bit of reluctance, he accompanies me and my friend, Lovine to the site, showing us the places where he used to work in the area as an accountant.






We finally come to a halt, and I get this creepy, eerie, strange feeling. We were at the site.


I try to take some pictures. This definitely wasn't going to be a camwhore moment. Who in his right mind would want to have a picture taken in front of ground zero smiling?! Tourists listening to those giving little tidbits about how the incident happened, others staring into the big space in front of them, others observing the massive extent of the damage, others offering flowers and saying prayers for the heroes of 9/11.

























I try to find my uncle and I get this very very guilty feeling when I saw him. One of his neighbors was among those who died. He was a fire fighter, a hero.

Though he lives on the East village and could always head downtown, he chose not to. Until that day I wanted to. Oh the tourist in me!

I heart New York.